The barriers of my open emotions and the problems that lead when I want to have a relationship with someone is quite overwhelming and somewhat depressing. It takes over my mind and body as if not only drains me mentally but physically. I guess the only real problem here is the acceptance of ME. Getting To the point, over and over again I find myself being Mr. Nice Guy to anyone and everyone. With such regard it only leads to countless struggles with whom I am where I want to be. Most people I find who do this seem to want to be apart of something or invited into different groups and/ or chain of people. As for myself I have no problem with this but that I’m simply a nice person trying to help others out. I guess that I just feel this emptiness, a void; and I feel like my soul-mate would help to complete my life and give it true meaning. I’ve fought depression over the past three-four years, I’ve gone through plenty of medications, been through one hell of an emotional roller coaster, and I’ve reached a calmer point in the journey. The depression definitely became a barrier to a healthy relationship;
It comes to a point where I must say enough is enough. With supposed friends and true friends telling me the same thing of I will find someone in due time, that time for me has came and gone. Though I am sure by now I am destined to be alone i still end up developing “crushes” with troublesome paradox’s. I am scared of relationships yet I so desperately yearn to love that “ONE” and hopefully find my soul-mate, if that ONE even exists. In an attempt to prevent myself from falling into emotional stress and worry, I try to avoid any type of situation that could even remotely lead to a relationship and when I do all hell breaks loose. My attempt at happiness & love is always ruled by others and not myself.
